PREVIOUSLY ON FACEBOOK....
Sister: HAHHAHAH.
You're too funny man
but seriously though...how are you holding up with the break up?
Me: I have no idea!
I am fine on the outside
But I feel like I'm not letting myself feel a lot of things right now.
Sister: You look great on the outside
Me: Why, thank you
Sister: Everyone thinks so too
Only a sister could laugh at your jokes one second and then call you out on - no, blow right through - your cover the next.
ENTER G-DRAGON IN "CROOKED"
 |
| Photo creds: kppopstarz.com |
My day yesterday started out innocuously enough. There I was at work, searching Youtube for a catchy song to help wake my students up at the beginning of class when I stumbled upon this song: "Crooked" by South Korea's G-Dragon.
It was all over for me the moment I clicked on that iconic red-and-white Youtube play button. I sat in the English teachers' office, transfixed and absolutely terrified in a beautiful and painful and powerful and devastating and drawn-out kind of way.
I had no idea what the song was about (and neither did it occur to me to look up the lyrics - hello), but the crazy, careless, concentrated, and dazed energy of the song (combined with the violent and hopeless intensity of the actual music video) resonated with me. Surprising, especially since I don't even like this type of music and am only just beginning to appreciate K-Pop.
My chest felt like it was going to burst with so much pent-up emotion and energy so I screamed (on the inside).
On the outside, I was still calmly sitting in the teachers' office, legs crossed, posture erect, fingers poised on the keyboards, - completely sober, emotionally-speaking. But the scream inside was so physical, so visceral, and so drunk with the explosive and the indescribable that I had to literally take my ear phones off and check myself.
I didn't actually scream, right? Right.
And the other teachers didn't hear a thing?
Silence, except for the constant though irregular hum of keyboards. Okay. Outside everything was okay.
Inside, I was a picture of G-Dragon walking, running, stumbling around the streets of London, wishing I could wreak havoc like he could, pick fights with strangers like he did, and growl at the world like he growled at the camera.
Unfortunately, while it may be somewhat permissible (some may argue even endearing) for G-Dragon to try and find some emotional comfort by peeing on walls and playing with his rocking horse all day (because he's G-Dragon and he can do whatever he wants), my process has to look a bit different from his since 1) I am not a K-Pop superstar 2) I don't own a rocking horse 3) I don't fancy peeing on walls standing up (or otherwise).
Oh, and I'm a Fulbright Scholar teaching high school English to over 300 young women in South Korea.
My process is different but, really, quite simple: to nap (aka to avoid feeling anything by knocking myself out through sheer mental and physical exhaustion), and to keep calm (and not miss a beat in being awesome).
I was doing phenomenally until I saw this video. And realized it had been exactly a month since the break up.
I have said this before and I will say it again: Someday, I will have a much more grand [love] story to tell - not just to other people, but to myself. I am in the process of completely re-writing the script and, honestly, it's not going so well with all the napping that I'm doing.
This is me processing now, and I appreciate you for bearing with me.
I am being transparent about this area in my, yes, personal life because, apparently "everyone" is under the impression that I look good on the outside (which is basically true but...), but this has been a tough year for me, regardless of what the year may look like on social media. I knew this going into my grant year. I just didn't know I would have to do the processing through lesson plans and K-Pop songs.
MY QUESTIONS FOR YOU
Did you watch the music video? What do you think of it?
How do you deal with your emotions? Does the way you deal differ depending on whether or not you're in a private or public sphere?
How would you complete this statement: "Keep calm and __________" that applies specifically to what you need to hear right now?
Unfortunately, while it may be somewhat permissible (some may argue even endearing) for G-Dragon to try and find some emotional comfort by peeing on walls and playing with his rocking horse all day (because he's G-Dragon and he can do whatever he wants), my process has to look a bit different from his since 1) I am not a K-Pop superstar 2) I don't own a rocking horse 3) I don't fancy peeing on walls standing up (or otherwise).Oh, and I'm a Fulbright Scholar teaching high school English to over 300 young women in South Korea.
My process is different but, really, quite simple: to nap (aka to avoid feeling anything by knocking myself out through sheer mental and physical exhaustion), and to keep calm (and not miss a beat in being awesome).
I was doing phenomenally until I saw this video. And realized it had been exactly a month since the break up.
I have said this before and I will say it again: Someday, I will have a much more grand [love] story to tell - not just to other people, but to myself. I am in the process of completely re-writing the script and, honestly, it's not going so well with all the napping that I'm doing.
This is me processing now, and I appreciate you for bearing with me.
I am being transparent about this area in my, yes, personal life because, apparently "everyone" is under the impression that I look good on the outside (which is basically true but...), but this has been a tough year for me, regardless of what the year may look like on social media. I knew this going into my grant year. I just didn't know I would have to do the processing through lesson plans and K-Pop songs.
MY QUESTIONS FOR YOU
Did you watch the music video? What do you think of it?
How do you deal with your emotions? Does the way you deal differ depending on whether or not you're in a private or public sphere?
How would you complete this statement: "Keep calm and __________" that applies specifically to what you need to hear right now?
No comments:
Post a Comment
One of the things that will help motivate me to update this blog on a regular basis is knowing that you are reading it. Share your thoughts on the content by leaving a comment.
I will respond within a day or two, so check back to continue our conversation!