To All the Older Siblings in the World: Never Make a Promise You Cant Keep! (And Other Notes Related to My Contract Renewal in South Korea)

SKYPE CALL: MY SISTER FINDING OUT ABOUT MY CONTRACT RENEWAL [GULP]

Mama: - So, yeah, ever since she found out that you're returning to Korea for another year, she's been like this

Me: [sorrowfully] Oh my goodness, Ma! Why did you tell her?! No, wait - why didn't you tell her?! 

Mama: She found out on her own! 

Me: How?

Mama: Well, she was doing better and looked like she had finally accepted that you will be coming home three days later than you had originally said, so that was good...

Me: uh-huh...and...?

Mama: Yeah, so...

Me: Ma, and, what?

Mama: Oh, yes! Well, today, she was looking at the calendar again, and flipped to August. That's when she saw my note...

Me: [in much anguish] Oh noooo...

SKYPE CALL: MY ATTEMPT AT BRIBERY

[To Emily] LING, Ate Mimi MISSES you! I will come home soon, Ling. Don't miss me too much, okay?

Emily: Okay

Me: So, Ling, what would you like me to bring you from Korea? 

Emily: [thinking]

Me: [Not sure if she's understanding my question] Ling, do you want clothes? Or chocolates? Or snacks? Or clothes, chocolates AND snacks? What do you want, Ling? I will get it for you! 

Emily: [still thinking]

Me: ANYTHING at all! 

Some of my afternoon was spent online, searching for a blue, long-sleeved, Korean flight attendant uniform, which Emily said I must bring home to her from South Korea. She told me this quite passionately over Skype. 

the-way.co.kr
Thank you, Ju Hyeon!

SKYPE CALL: MY SISTER'S GIFT REQUEST FROM KOREA
Me: [off to the side to my mom] Ma, is she serious?

Mama: Unfortunately, yes...

Me: No, I mean, is she serious about the flight attendant uniform?

Mama: Yes, she is serious

Me: Mom, I'm talking about the flight attendant uniform that she said she wants: blue, long-sleeved, and specifically "Korean"

Mama: I'm telling you, she's being serious! 

Me: [groans] So, where did she get the idea that this is the perfect gift from me?!?!

Mama: I don't know, but I did notice that she's been Googling that a lot lately, and laughing to herself

Me: ...well, okay then. [Pause, and then] So, Ma...

Mama: Hmmm?

Me: In case I can't find this, uh, blue, long-sleeved, Korean flight attendant uniform anywhere in Korea, do you think Emily will be...very upset or...just normal upset? 

Mama: That's a good question...From the look on her face right now, I think she will be very upset...Do your best to look for it there

Me: [exaggerated groans of despair] Whyyyyyyy! [To Emily] LEMING, why can't you want a normal thing, like a pack of seaweed, or a pair of cute socks, or...or Korean chocolates?! I will buy you chocolates, is that okay?? A LOT of chocolates, yum!

Emily: [giggling at seeing my despairing face] No, no, no! Not A LOT chocolate. Uniform, yes! Mimi, uniform, coming home July 19. Emily, blue, uniform, plane! Yes, yes!

Me: Okay, I will do my best, Ling [insert super fake confident smile here]

Emily: [flashes me a huge, expectant smile over Skype before waving goodbye]

Me: [to Mama] I'm screwed 

Mama: [amused] Just do your best, nak

MY HOST SISTER COMES TO THE RESCUE
I was neck-deep in my despair when Ju Hyeon casually walked into my room and asked to borrow my iPad. I sighed and gave her the device, but not before explaining Emily's impossible dream gift. Ju Hyeon disappeared into the living room and came back a moment later with a Korean website that sells - what else - flight attendant uniforms. I was so excited/relieved/ecstatic/joyful in finding that this item did, indeed, exist out in the real world that I didn't immediately notice the steep price tag. Again, Whyyyyyyy?!

On the bright side, this is my opportunity to make up for being a horrible older sister, and failing to tell my youngest sister my life plans for the next year. Since I have left, she has been holding on to one date: "July 16, 2014," the date of my supposed return to the states, not knowing that my plans had changed. She was devastated to learn that I was actually coming home on July 19, 2014 (three days later than what I had originally promised her on our parting at Sea-Tac airport). I remember how tightly I clung to the promises of adults as a child, so I definitely understand how Emily might find these turn of events utterly unacceptable and inexcusable and even heartbreaking. 

[insert so much sadness here]

MY QUESTIONS FOR YOU

Do you remember someone making you a promise they were not able to keep? When was the promise made and why was it so important to you? Have you yourself made a promise that you may or may not have known you could not ultimately keep? Who did you make the promise to, and how did you (or did you not) make up for failing to deliver?

Share your experiences by writing in the comment box below!

Honoring My Mother, Who is My Lighthouse by Night and Landmark by Day

One of the very best things that I can share with others about me is my family. I cannot have a conversation - with friends old or new - without casually mentioning them or outrightly bragging about them! I thank God for them daily, and remember them even [more] during my sojourn here in South Korea. 

In honor of this upcoming Mother's Day, I want to love my mother from afar by dedicating this post to her. 

June 2013, University of Washington-Seattle, English Department Graduation Ceremony | 
Giving Mama the Stole of Gratitude as a small acknowledgment of her years of moral support of and unrelenting belief in my ability to overcome.

LIFE STORIES AND LIFE OF PI REFERENCES

A friend of mine once declared that mine was a story that would make you believe in God (hello Life of Pi reference). He believed this until the day he met my mother, and realized that my story - though still awesome *coughcough* - is only a humble reflection and retelling of the story that belongs to the celebrations and struggles, the tribulations and joys of my mother's life. 

May 2011, Mama supporting Emily during her Special Olympics, where she earned multiple First Place wins!

A STORY THAT WILL MAKE YOU BELIEVE IN GOD

Giving birth to me at 15 years of age (interestingly, the same age as my Korean first grade high school students), this incredible woman raised me and two younger sisters on her own in the United States. And, by "on her own," I don't just mean as a single parent without her husband, but also as a first-generation immigrant without her family, relatives, friends, neighbors, church, community or country's support. She had no house, no land, and no bank account, but was able to bulldoze through all of the challenges she faced by clinging to one thing: her faith in Jesus Christ. 

June 2013, Mama celebrating Emily during her high school graduation!

A GOD WHO PURSUES THE HEARTS OF HIS DAUGHTERS
Having been a careful (though not always conscious) reader of my mother's [life] story since I was young, I have been profoundly affected by her relationship with Christ. I observed a relationship with highs and lows, leaps, trips, and falls, and I grew in my faith in realizing that even her falls pointed her forward, always leading her closer and closer to the One who was captivated by her and had pursued her heart since she was a very young girl. 

Her faith story is a love story that not only makes me believe in just any god, but cements my faith in the capital G-God revealed in the Bible. Unlike Pi Patel, whose spiritual journey involves a belief in many gods (including Christ, Krishna, Allah, and all of India's 33 million gods), my mother only has the One name to call on and give credit to for delivering her and our family from all kinds of bondage. 

A STORY THAT REFLECTS THE GREATEST STORY OF ALL

But even on seasons, days, and hours when [obvious] deliverance did not come, I saw my mother remain steadfast in her faith. Her greatest gift to me is not her out-of-this-world delicious cooking or her homey and cozy interior decorating; her greatest gift to me is her daily act of modeling faith in the One whose story hers is ultimately just striving to reflect. 

  

December 2013, Mama drawing closer and closer as Emily gives her one of her forehead-to-forehead kisses. 

Emily is so passionate in giving these exclusive "kisses" that Mama often complains of a headache afterwards. Hahaha!

"SHE WATCHES OVER THE AFFAIRS OF HER HOUSEHOLD" - Proverbs 31:27

Christ's light shines through my mother, making her a lighthouse by night, and a landmark by day. Day and night, her love for my sisters and me stands tall, unfazed by the raging surf, and guides us back safely to shore. She keeps the door always open so that we are assured of a home to return to from our various exploits in college, adventures in study abroad trips to the Philippines, Spain and Peru, in our excursions to Morocco and various European countries, and teaching appointments in Asia. Through prayers that transcend all kinds of boundaries, including that of geography, my mother actively guards and guides those precious to her. 

When we are far from shore and cannot even see her, she still shines her light so that, in case we are heading back, we can find our way home and reach the safety of her arms. 

May God sustain her light such that she will be able to guard and guide not only her biological children, but also continue to care for and nurture many others who have and will come her way. 

A for Autism, B for Busan, C for Costco, & D for [Learning] Disabilities

Well, my first week of mostly-not-teaching is over, but I sure looked forward to the weekend like I had pulled a full week! My family gave me the choice of going to a museum on the island or going to Costco in Haeundae.

It was a no-brainer.

RELAXING FAMILY CAR RIDE TO HAEUNDAE
The windows were down. I breathed in lungs-full of salty air, and enjoyed the shimmer of city lights against the vast darkness of the ocean as we descended from the island and crossed the bridge connecting Yeongdo to the rest of Busan.

We arrived in Costco after forty minutes of sitting in the backseat of my host father's car, singing pop songs in both Korean and English with my host sisters. They are both in the church choir so both have great voices. Meanwhile, I'm doing my best to keep up by inconspicuously humming along with them.

I stopped the humming to gaze upon this sight:

Viewing the bold Costco store sign through a rain-splattered car window added to the nostalgia/familiarity I felt  

COSTCO WAS FOUNDED IN SEATTLE, WASHINGTON
Never imagined I would be this happy to see a Costco store. But, I have very good reasons to be. Not only does Costco provide a wide selection of American merchandise, it was also founded in Seattle, Washington and, therefore, carries products from my home state! I basically floated into the store like it was paradise.

This escalator blew my mind. The little things...

 There are a lot of things in/about Korea that confound me, but there are also a lot of things here that just makes a lot of sense. Like this slight-incline, grocery-cart-friendly escalator, for example. It just makes so much sense...

COMPARING KOREAN COSTCO TO AMERICAN COSTCO
I quickly scouted the Busan Costco, mapping it out in my head, and making mental comparisons to the one in Puyallup. It was basically the same inside! The prices for some of the products (or at least the ones that I checked out) were actually higher, which was disappointing.

Another disappointing thing was not finding my made-in-the-Philippines dried mango obsession. However, my host mom found another brand (not quite the same), but also containing dried mangoes from the Philippines.

HOST DAD UNIMPRESSED BY AMERICAN PRODUCTS
After criticizing the unfamiliar mango packaging, I continued wandering around the store in search for a portable one terabyte hard drive. My host father was not impressed by the American brands, even Seagate, which is the one I have been using for the past several years as a photographer. He urged me to wait on my purchase and check out other brands like, say, Samsung (so much Korean pride!). The prices would have been comparable either way, but I followed his advice.

This half of the cart contains the bags of lollipops, chocolates, and other candy I bought for my students, as well as a
couple of English workbooks

Cost of food is the same, I think!

CANDY: THE ULTIMATE CLASS INCENTIVE
I bought the goodies I would need to establish my class rewards system starting next week, and also happened upon an enormous pile of fun-looking books. Most were in Korean, but my host sisters helped me dig up a few gems in English.

My head was semi-buried in one of these files when my sister asked me:

Seoyeon: What are you looking for? 
Me: Yeah...can you help me find one more of these? [I hold up an attention-grabbing alphabet workbook]
Seoyeon: Ah. For students??
Me: ...Yeup! For some of my students!
Seoyeon: [confused-looking] Okey...!

KOREAN STUDENTS LABELED AS "SPECIAL NEEDS"
I remembered the handful of special needs students that I have in some of my classrooms, and decided to buy a couple of workbooks for them to practice writing the alphabet as well as very simple English words. Buying these workbooks means involving special needs students in a level appropriate for them while they are in my classroom. Buying these workbooks is, therefore, completely contrary to what my co-teacher had told me the previous week.

Me: How should I go about teaching my students? 
Co-teacher: Ah, don't worry about them. They will not understand what's going on so, yeah. I don't think it's good idea involving them.
Me: Ah, okay...But, say I were to involve them? 
Co-teacher: [smiles at me patiently] Don't worry about them.

I had requested copies of the class rosters and had noted students with learning disabilities. One by one, their faces - mugshot-style - flashed in my head. And then without a break in the sequence, there was the face of my youngest sister.

Emily.

DISCUSSION ON LEARNING DISABILITIES HITS HOME

Host dad putting groceries away after grocery shopping

The smile pasted on my face as I had this conversation with, I'm sure, a well-meaning teacher, didn't crack for a second, but my heart was splintering in all sorts of directions at the mere picture of my sister possibly receiving the same treatment of "Don't worry about [her]" in what was supposed to be a learning environment.

I have not always been as understanding of what Emily's autism and learning disabilities entailed for her and for those who surround her in daily life, but I believe I have nevertheless grown up with a keen sense of reading social situations - and, specifically, quickly sensing opportunities of inclusion and similar and often simultaneous opportunities of exclusion.

As a teacher, I have the power to break down walls of exclusion and build a more inclusive learning environment.

I still have no idea how to carry this out beyond buying two English workbooks, but this is something that's in my heart and something I would be more than happy to receive feedback/suggestions for.

When I added these two items in the family grocery cart, my host dad immediately picked them up and furrowed his brows as he leafed through them. All I had to do was give Seoyeon a slight nudge for her to translate my justification for the purchase.

Host dad: Ahhh! [breaks out into a huge smile]. Mimi goot, very goot. Teacher very goot! [He gives me a thumbs up of approval before happily continuing to push the cart towards the checkout aisle].

MY QUESTIONS FOR YOU
What kinds of situations have made you feel included, especially in a classroom setting/learning environment? When it is in your power, do you find that you more often include people, or exclude people? On what basis do you exercise this "power"?

If you were a teacher with a handful of special needs students, how would you go about making sure they are included in each class activity?

Flying From Seattle, Washington to Seoul, South Korea to Start Fulbright!

My family, the ones who will keep me going long after any journey of mine has
ended. They chilled at the airport with me until the realization of my impending
departure got to be too hard to handle emotionally. 

My precious days with my family and friends flew by irrespective of my level of preparedness.

LAST QUARTER OF COLLEGE
I had presented at the UW's 21st Annual Pacific Northwest McNair/EIP/GO-MAP Research Conference, wrapped up the CHID Focus Group I was facilitating, flown to the East Coast to participate in the 7-day Rutgers English Diversity Institute (REDI) Program, flown back to the West Coast to take my Finals after missing a whole week of classes, wrapped up my year as President of Sigma Tau Delta, attended two graduation ceremonies, applied for my visa and rushed multiple critical documents to the Institute of International Education (IIE) office in New York to finalize my Fulbright grant, written my McNair research paper, and helped inspect the rooms of over 50 of my own residents, and close down Haggett Hall for the academic year - and I had done all of this back-to-back within the span of a little under a month.

While it is not unusual to be busy during one's senior year, I had wrapped up my undergraduate career with 255 credits (75 credits over the 180 required to graduate), had done so without taking a single break from coursework for four years (including Summer Quarters), and had "finished strong" (my mantra this past quarter) with a 3.92/4.00 cumulative GPA.

Needless to say, I was fried. I looked forward to home and to being able to recuperate there without concerns over speech outlines, paper drafts, book editions, room condition reports, medical bills and post office receipts, and new officers application forms intruding upon what would amount to be an extremely short two-week summer vacation sandwiched between my graduation from college and orientation in Korea.

With Dr. Gene Kim, Associate Director of the
EIP/McNair Programat the UW. This man is one
of my best mentors and fiercest advocates at the
University. You can tell this based on his
enthusiasm as we pose with my 2013 Dean's
Medal in the Humanities.After the photo was taken, he
borrowed the medal, poppedout of the room, and, later,
was heard going from office tooffice showing it off to his
colleagues. Who can not miss this man?

MY TWO-WEEK VACATION
During this time, I managed to say goodbye to most of my academic mentors at UW, guest speak at a class on campus, do four photo shoots, enjoy a graduation picnic my family put together for me, entertain a handful of lovely friends who were able to attend said picnic, receive prayers over Skype from a couple of other friends, meet up with a few of my now-former residents who insisted on seeing me before I left, appreciate a thoughtful and tear-jerking video my sister made me for a graduation present, delightfully navigate my first-ever smart phone (another graduation present), go on a hike with and cook a Thai dinner for my best friend, learn Hangul, (the Korean alphabet), accompany my mom many times to the grocery store, and pack up a year's-worth of personal belongings in two suitcases, one carry-on, and one backpack.

HEADING TO THE AIRPORT
Before I knew it, Mama was driving me to Sea-Tac airport, Christy looked as if she was fighting back tears while at the same time trying to induce it in others, and Emily - well, Emily was actually the most well-composed out of the three of them - though she did jump and fly about inside the building, clapping her hands, and laughing gleefully at no one in particular. Her happy countenance inspired many smiles at the airport and led me to wonder whether she understood that I was going away, for a whole year.

KEEPING EMILY IN THE LOOP
I had tried to communicate this fact to her many times, saying, "Ling, Mimi going Korea! Yes! Me going! No, no, no, you can't come. Only me, okay?" She would look temporarily crest-fallen until I reminded her that she could always google "Incheon Airport." Remembering that we had a layover there a couple years ago on our way to the Philippines, she would smile and nod and confirm, "Mimi going Korea!" "Yes, yes, Mimi going Korea..." Despite how oblivious Emily seemed to my very obvious, impending departure, I know that she processes a lot more than we usually give her credit for. I know that she knows.

SAYING OUR GOODBYES
Internally and externally, I was the calmest in the family. I had forecasted earlier that there was a 70 percent chance of my mother crying, and so I steeled myself in order to avoid being swept up by the currents of her and/or Christy's emotions. I resolved, (much like I did before viewing The Passion of the Christ and Les Miserables), that I would reign in my emotions until such a time when I could express them very far away from the sight of other mortals, especially my family.

Mama and me before and after she started to realize that I was really for realz going. Everything she did for me and with
me in the three months leading up to my departure was done to show me the utmost love and care. The only reason
why I'm not also crying in the second picture is because, unlike her,I still haven't realized that I'm for realz going. 

As the eldest daughter in a family that immigrated to the U.S., I have tried to take after my mother's lead in modeling strength, especially during critical times. I figured that my presence needed to be a source of quiet strength since, according to Christy in her 20-minute video, my absence will be quite "loud."

I have so much to look forward to in this upcoming year in Korea, but I also have so much to return to back in the States.