Living By the "Don't Compare" Mantra Outside of the Fulbright Family & Encouraging 2nd Host Mom to Stop Comparing Herself to 1st Host Mom

THE "DON'T COMPARE" MANTRA
What we always hear in Fulbright is "Don't Compare" - referring to ETAs who might be tempted to look at each others' differing living accommodations and teaching situations and become discouraged or resentful of the lot they've been given during their grant year. The message makes so much sense, is so often forgotten and just as often recalled that it can be heard reverberating in various forms throughout the year - in Facebook posts, social media captions, hashtags, blog posts, and during coffee dates, and sleepy conference heart-to-hearts.

Comparison comes naturally, which is why we should be all the more vigilant in keeping ourselves from being caught in its unhappy trap. I struggle against it, and so do others - among them the second host mom I am living with now, who, upon hearing about my first host mom's mad cooking skills, has been quick and unrelenting in criticizing what she produces in the kitchen and places on the table.

BATTLE OF THE HOST MOMS
My second host mom also works in education, so we both get home right about the same time. She is always apologizing to me for not having dinner prepared on time, or, if dinner is prepared, for not having delicious and nutritious enough dinner.

I have no idea what she is talking about.

Her cooking is delicious and nutritious! In keeping with a truly Korean cuisine, there are always at least five side dishes on the table besides soup and rice. She also never fails to serve fruit for dessert. In the U.S. "dessert" for me was this exciting event that involved cake or ice cream, brownies or walnut cookies. Or all of those combined. Though I miss this kind of rich, chocolately dessert, I much prefer the fruit desserts because there is never guilt from indulging. (Something to tuck away for my future family!).

I am not very verbal when giving praises, but since moving here I have learned to be more so. If the soup tastes like something I had been craving for but couldn't describe, I tell her. If she peeled the apples with what I consider unusual dexterity, I tell her. If the seafood she served on the table is cooked to perfection, I tell her! 

I don't want my host mom to compare herself to my first host mom. It hurts me to hear her say negative things about the food she cooks, and am trying my best to convince her that what she's provided for me is enough. More than enough. 

Lately, I have taken to hanging around her when she's in the kitchen. Just hanging around - looking for opportunities to affirm her - however random and small. This is the context of the video embedded above. I was so interested in the way she made kimbap! (Also recorded it for the sake of my mom back in the States, who is always asking for recipes of Korean dishes she sees on my Facebook posts!). 

In quick sum, don't compare, folks! You are enough. You are more than enough.