Thoughts on Transitions and Goodbyes and Feeling Like Joseph & His Robe of Many Colors By the Way My Former Principal Treated Me

THE MANY SHADES OF "GOODBYE!"

Most people who say, "See you later!" or "Let's catch up sometime" do so just as another polite and friendly way to extract themselves from a chance meeting-gone-too-lengthy and say "Goodbye" (without so much of the finality an actual goodbye entails). I have noticed this mostly in the Western world, and have adjusted accordingly in the years I have lived in the States.

However, here in South Korea, when someone tells me they want to "see [me] later," I have found they literally mean it. Like, the next day, I will receive a text asking  when I am available for lunch or coffee... that week. And then a follow-up text asking where and what time. I like this clear-cut, to-the-point, action-oriented interpretation of the above-mentioned phrases more!

My host sisters and students don't believe me, but I truly, absolutely adore the Principal's traditional Korean outfits. They're loose, elegant, and, yes, old-womanly-looking, but so cool! The only problem is they are also way out of my price range :/

I mention all of this because, right before my former principal left Yeongdo Girls High School to move on to her new 4-year appointment at another school, she invited me to come and visit her there. She seemed really genuine and eager when she gave this invitation in all-Korean (thanks to my co-teachers for translating), but I reverted back to my Western way of interpreting these parting words, and, though I could feel that the sentiment was definitely there, I didn't think she actually expected me to follow through when I said "Definitely! I will come to see you there!"

Fast-forward a couple of months and Park Mi Sook bujangnim invited me to come visit our gyojang seonsaengnim along with a handful of other teachers. She reminded me that the principal was especially fond of me and that my presence there would make the trip more meaningful as most of the teachers who are going to visit will also be leaving their schools after this year. Just like me. (It turns out, this see you later is just an extended formal goodbye). But did I want to go? 

OUR BELOVED FORMER PRINCIPAL 

We're talking about the Principal who would come in to the gyomushil to check on each teacher and give my hands a worried squeeze when she heard the terrible gravity of my winter cough; the woman who would give me extra pocket money for Fulbright's Fall Conference in Gyeongju and Spring Conference in Jeju, and the same one who gave my first-ever YDAC team a generous day allowance on top of what the U.S. Embassy in Seoul was already covering. The same principal who gave me gifts for my birthday and for Christmas, and wrote me an adorable New Years card, complete with personal artwork decorating the envelope! We're talking about this Principal, who, contrary to what I had believed, didn't do this for the other teachers at my school. (Feeling a bit like Joseph and his robe of many colors but - thankfully! - my co-teachers are far from being like jealous siblings).

FAVORITE MEMORIES WITH THE PRINCIPAL 

Since I have been remiss in posting regularly unlike my first month here in Korea, here are some Facebook posts to catch you up!

3/7/2014 | School admins with Michael Horn

12/24/2014 | Scarf and leather gloves from Principal
Sookhee: "The Principal really loves you!"

8/25/14 | Hogan Medlin, YGHS Fulbright ETA 2011, visiting!

1/9/15 | Principal congratulating the students who earned
YGHS its second First Place YDAC win!

And because we're talking about this Principal, I was definitely going. 

VISITING OUR BELOVED FORMER PRINCIPAL

Me: [asking co-teachers in genera] What should I bring? 

Sookhee: No, you don't need to bring anything. 

Me: Really...? What about a small gift or a card? 

Sookhee: [always making sure that I'm not "burdened" by anything] No, we've already got a gift for Principal. Other teachers pooled money and bought a gift already. 

Me: Oh...err - 

Sookhee: -But you don't have to worry about that! Principal really loves you. You just bring yourself and she will be happy!

Me: [thinking I would at least write a card] Okay, sounds good!

Mi Sook Bujangnim: Mimi - may I suggest you write a card for the Principal? I think it's a good idea

Me: Yeah, that's no problem, bujangnim!

KOREA ART & DESIGN HIGH SCHOOL

The entrance of our Principal's new high school. Sookhee translated that the Principal is only two years away from retirement but, unlike what most people expected she would do, she is not taking these last couple of years lightly. She's bent on revamping the curriculum of this arts and design-focused school so that its students can be as competitive as possible when it comes to university applications!

Gradually meeting up with teachers. Some came with watermelons, and others carried boxes full of plants in fancy earthenware 

There were four of these mini ponds in the mini park in front of the school. The shock of water and green plants was soothing to my eyes. It also helped me recover a bit after feeling motion sick in the back of my co-teacher's car

The Principal's warm welcome. She ushered us into her office, where she updated the teachers about the great tasks that are in front of her in this new school

Heading from the school to a restaurant to eat dinner together! Jeong Eun Ju Seonsaengnim had a prior appointment and so left the six of us to dine together

I was told there would be fish broth but, it turns out, the broth was made of powdered fish. I basically spent the whole meal waiting for the "real" fish broth to come out...

The rest of the group walking way ahead on our way back to the school as Park Mi Sook Bujangnim proudly shared some of her daughter's fashion designs with me on her smartphone

It was about 7:00 p.m. when we finished dinner and arrived back at the school. It took us another 30 minutes to get back to YGHS. I like this picture, capturing the Principal's face all lit up at our having visited her :)

Knowing that Jeon Mi Soon Gyojang Seonsaengnim would have a heck of a time translating my English writing, I asked Sookhee to translate my "short"-message-turned-kind-of-long on the other side of the card. She gave a disclaimer that not everything would transfer smoothly to Korean, but seeing her handwriting on the page a few minutes later was like witnessing Hangeul magic. I didn't care as long as the gist was on the page. Sookhee is the best!

TRANSITIONS ARE ROUGH FOR EVERYONE
My hope is that Jeon Gyojang Seonsaengnim would accomplish all the good she is setting out to do for the students at this school, and that her doing so will not leave her exhausted and depleted but even more charged with energy and life! I didn't account for this apparently rougher transition she would have in the card I gave to her. I kind of assumed that, after a couple of decades or so in the Korean education system, the transitions would be a piece of cake (for her and anyone). Perhaps it becomes easier, but I suppose a transition is still a transition.

I have less than two months left in this country, so my head is definitely full of thoughts concerning goodbyes and transitions. Seeing how much I love this country, my job, and my life here, the coming days are going to be rough. [Deep intake of breath] Very rough...

Spring 2015 Busan YDAC | Video of Yeongdo Girls High School's Journey

As a Fulbright ETA, one of my favorite events in the semester is YDAC (or Youth Diplomacy & Activism Conference). Overall, this is my fourth time coaching a team of students for YDAC and my third time coordinating for the Gyeongsangnamdo region.

You can read about previous YDACs Yeongdo Girls High School has attended here and here. The experience of preparing students for this English writing and speaking conference has always proven rewarding, though certainly not without its challenges. I will be making a separate post with photos and more detail, but, for now, here's a video I snapped throughout our last few days of prep work to document my students' journey through YDAC! 

App: Snapmovie/ Song: "Sweet Disposition" by The Temper Trap

Teaching an Active Learning Exercise on Emotions (AKA the How to Keep Shining When the Bright Lights of Being a Fulbrighter Begin to Dim Lesson)

THEY ARE SO ALIVE!
The 10-minute breaks between classes are when I observe my students being most excited and energetic. They are alive! For 10 whole glorious (or terrifying - depending on your level of adjustment) minutes, students are out on the hallways making all sorts of noise - yelling [l'm sure lovingly] at each other, screaming out normal sentiments, loudly chatting, laughing in groups, seemingly sweeping through the halls with all kinds of evidence that they are, in fact, alive! Despite the chaos, I rejoice with them, especially considering the rigor of their school schedules. I wish the more, let's say, controlled version of this energy and excitement overflowed into the classroom. Or even just my classroom, a magical place where students are expected to actually practice speaking the English they learn from two other English classes they take! (Yes, my Korean students take a total of THREE English classes).

EXCEPT WHEN THEY'RE NOT...
However, their energy level usually doesn't overflow. Many an internal battle has been waged, upon the battlegrounds of which I had to convince myself - again and again - that my classes' lack of participation (especially the lower levels) is not personal. Really, it's not.

Just some of the wide variety of emoticons now at our disposal
Credit: http://in.socialdaily.com/

THE WEEKLY CHALLENGE
I take these moments as reminders that my job as an English teacher does not only entail creating lessons that dispense cold, hard knowledge of things English, but creating lessons that dispense knowledge in a fun, memorable, and, hopefully, also interactive way! Wow.

THE TIMES I FORGET WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT
Wow, because you forget. When your energy is low; when motivation is sparse; when feeling a tad bit homesick; when you're struggling with the question of, "Am I doing enough?"; when you see your graduating class move on to grad school, take permanent jobs, and even start families; when your family back home wants you, well, back home; and when even the bright lights of being a Fulbrighter begins to dim - you forget.

THE ONES WHO PAY WHEN YOU FORGET
And when you forget (why you're doing what you're doing and pursuing the things you're pursuing), every student that encounters you and sees through your facade is negatively affected. This is not what I want, so the reminders are good, pushing me to do better each week.

When I ask students slumped back on their chairs how they are, they usually respond with:

"I'm fine, thank you. And you?"

This, or some variation of: 

I'm tired. I'm sleepy 

(if they're more honest or are legitimately so tired that they can't even muster up the usual response above)

I can already tell from their faces and postures that they're tired and/or sleepy, so these responses don't do much in terms of acquainting me better with my students. I want to know how they really feel, and I want them to know that, when I ask this question, I mean it. 

I wanted to give them the tools to diversify their responses, so I created a lesson last week on "Emotions." Using an image-heavy PPP, I reviewed basic emotions and taught them the English words to less-common ones. I followed this up with a game at the latter half of class, where students had to act out certain emotions for their teammates to guess. 

Students reacted really well to this lesson! I was a very happy teacher meandering through the grouped desks and observing each team's "it" person do the acting. So much laughter was elicited from the students' acting performances. 

Here are some photos I took while going from desk-to-desk!

MY THURSDAY CLASSES ACT IT OUT

And have a blast!

I'm loving Sujin's laughter!

This group was SO into it! Can you tell?

This particular student was extremely competitive and expressive, which made the competition even steeper

Students deliberating how to act out certain words

More smiles :D

Jeongmin's very active group set the tone for the other groups in the class. Thank you so much, girls!

A student considering how to most effectively act out an emotion

I don't know what she's acting out, but it had all her team members laughing!

When students guess correctly, they keep the strip of paper and later count up the points

A student in the middle of acting out an emotion (I don't remember which but it was entertaining to watch!)

Desk-hopping to see students' own version of what certain emotions look like

I wish each week's lesson brought out this level of fun in my classrooms! Hearing my students laughing while deeply immersed in the activity was a huge energy deposit into my own system. These are the moments that I go to bed mentally crafting while half conscious the night before a school day. Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn't and sometimes it really, really doesn't! 

Being a Fulbrighter does not make me immune to the common challenges of teaching English as a foreign language in Korea (or anywhere, really); it does, however, give me more reason to remember everything that my single presence here serves to represent. 

Honoring My Mother, Who is My Lighthouse by Night and Landmark by Day

One of the very best things that I can share with others about me is my family. I cannot have a conversation - with friends old or new - without casually mentioning them or outrightly bragging about them! I thank God for them daily, and remember them even [more] during my sojourn here in South Korea. 

In honor of this upcoming Mother's Day, I want to love my mother from afar by dedicating this post to her. 

June 2013, University of Washington-Seattle, English Department Graduation Ceremony | 
Giving Mama the Stole of Gratitude as a small acknowledgment of her years of moral support of and unrelenting belief in my ability to overcome.

LIFE STORIES AND LIFE OF PI REFERENCES

A friend of mine once declared that mine was a story that would make you believe in God (hello Life of Pi reference). He believed this until the day he met my mother, and realized that my story - though still awesome *coughcough* - is only a humble reflection and retelling of the story that belongs to the celebrations and struggles, the tribulations and joys of my mother's life. 

May 2011, Mama supporting Emily during her Special Olympics, where she earned multiple First Place wins!

A STORY THAT WILL MAKE YOU BELIEVE IN GOD

Giving birth to me at 15 years of age (interestingly, the same age as my Korean first grade high school students), this incredible woman raised me and two younger sisters on her own in the United States. And, by "on her own," I don't just mean as a single parent without her husband, but also as a first-generation immigrant without her family, relatives, friends, neighbors, church, community or country's support. She had no house, no land, and no bank account, but was able to bulldoze through all of the challenges she faced by clinging to one thing: her faith in Jesus Christ. 

June 2013, Mama celebrating Emily during her high school graduation!

A GOD WHO PURSUES THE HEARTS OF HIS DAUGHTERS
Having been a careful (though not always conscious) reader of my mother's [life] story since I was young, I have been profoundly affected by her relationship with Christ. I observed a relationship with highs and lows, leaps, trips, and falls, and I grew in my faith in realizing that even her falls pointed her forward, always leading her closer and closer to the One who was captivated by her and had pursued her heart since she was a very young girl. 

Her faith story is a love story that not only makes me believe in just any god, but cements my faith in the capital G-God revealed in the Bible. Unlike Pi Patel, whose spiritual journey involves a belief in many gods (including Christ, Krishna, Allah, and all of India's 33 million gods), my mother only has the One name to call on and give credit to for delivering her and our family from all kinds of bondage. 

A STORY THAT REFLECTS THE GREATEST STORY OF ALL

But even on seasons, days, and hours when [obvious] deliverance did not come, I saw my mother remain steadfast in her faith. Her greatest gift to me is not her out-of-this-world delicious cooking or her homey and cozy interior decorating; her greatest gift to me is her daily act of modeling faith in the One whose story hers is ultimately just striving to reflect. 

  

December 2013, Mama drawing closer and closer as Emily gives her one of her forehead-to-forehead kisses. 

Emily is so passionate in giving these exclusive "kisses" that Mama often complains of a headache afterwards. Hahaha!

"SHE WATCHES OVER THE AFFAIRS OF HER HOUSEHOLD" - Proverbs 31:27

Christ's light shines through my mother, making her a lighthouse by night, and a landmark by day. Day and night, her love for my sisters and me stands tall, unfazed by the raging surf, and guides us back safely to shore. She keeps the door always open so that we are assured of a home to return to from our various exploits in college, adventures in study abroad trips to the Philippines, Spain and Peru, in our excursions to Morocco and various European countries, and teaching appointments in Asia. Through prayers that transcend all kinds of boundaries, including that of geography, my mother actively guards and guides those precious to her. 

When we are far from shore and cannot even see her, she still shines her light so that, in case we are heading back, we can find our way home and reach the safety of her arms. 

May God sustain her light such that she will be able to guard and guide not only her biological children, but also continue to care for and nurture many others who have and will come her way. 

Yeongdo Girls High School Goes on a Field Trip: Broaching the Sensitive Topic of School Field Trips in Light of the Recent Sinking of the Sewol

THE SINKING OF THE MV SEWOL

I have been back blogging this past week. In light of the recent tragedy of the MV Sewol sinking, there is one particular topic/event that I have been hesitant to post about for the past two weeks: school field trips. 

Yeongdo Girls High School students bused to the Busan Museum in Daeyeon-dong, Nam-gu for their annual field trip five days before Danwon High School students boarded the ship that would ultimately never reach Jeju Island, the destination of their own field trip. 

A small percentage of my students from different classes posing for a photo after exploring the museum

The whole of South Korea is in agony over this tragedy. While some passengers were rescued, many more were not - including hundreds of students just one year older than the ones I teach and have the privilege of continuing to teach. 

THE AGONY, THE ANGER, THE SHAME, THE GRIEF

 I can relate to only a very small percentage of it all. Culturally and linguistically, I am many levels removed from directly experiencing the full gravity of this loss, and so I feel unfit to even broach this topic. However, because I am here in Korea, continuing to teach high school students, and basically daily encountering and re-encountering the ghost of April 16, I suspect that I will have opportunities to write more about this later. For this post though, I simply want to accomplish two things:

     1) Acknowledge the aforementioned heavy feelings shrouding the heart of the nation, and
     2) Without detracting, distracting from, or devaluing the aforementioned, celebrate:

THE HOPE, THE UNITY, THE STRENGTH, THE LIFE

of South Korea. I continue to be impressed by this nation's ability to unite together and stand its ground. Unity may crumble, strength may wane, life may be lost, but, no matter how bleak the hour, I believe Hope still reigns at the end of the day.

As Korea grapples with the reality of hundreds of [young] lives lost, may she also not lose a beat in continuing to love and care for the millions of young people who are with us today.

Here are my students, who, everyday, I will learn to love more and more. 

YEONGDO GIRLS HIGH SCHOOL FIELD TRIP TO BUSAN MUSEUM

Students traveled in groups, boarding buses from our island to the mainland.
I bused down with a group of students living in my neighborhood and, thus, was able to find the museum.

There were other school field trips this day. The girls got excited over the sight of an all-boys high school also roaming around the museum grounds

This student gives me the deepest bows every time she sees me! Extremely respectful and polite - I adore her!

Teachers half-heartedly trying to create organized lines out of the hundreds of students milling around the square

Alright - you got me. Putting away the camera now...

This green-jacketed man perfectly matching the well-maintained shrubbery

It was a Seattle weather kind of day

Stella agreeing to be the girls' personal paparazzi

The silliness memo did not reach me or the older, male teacher to my left...

A PRAYER FOR SOUTH KOREA
Lord, give South Korea a Hope so extravagant as to pierce through this overwhelming current of despair. Enable her to, once again, rise from the ashes, assured of the beauty of Your plans for her and, especially, her children.

HAHA! But Seriously Though...How Are You Holding Up With the Break Up?

PREVIOUSLY ON FACEBOOK....

Sister: HAHHAHAH. 

          You're too funny man

          but seriously though...how are you holding up with the break up?

Me:     I have no idea!

          I am fine on the outside

          But I feel like I'm not letting myself feel a lot of things right now.

Sister: You look great on the outside

Me:     Why, thank you 

Sister: Everyone thinks so too

Only a sister could laugh at your jokes one second and then call you out on - no, blow right through - your cover the next.

ENTER G-DRAGON IN "CROOKED"

Photo creds: kppopstarz.com

My day yesterday started out innocuously enough. There I was at work, searching Youtube for a catchy song to help wake my students up at the beginning of class when I stumbled upon this song: "Crooked" by South Korea's G-Dragon. 

It was all over for me the moment I clicked on that iconic red-and-white Youtube play button. I sat in the English teachers' office, transfixed and absolutely terrified in a beautiful and painful and powerful and devastating and drawn-out kind of way. 

I had no idea what the song was about (and neither did it occur to me to look up the lyrics - hello), but the crazy, careless, concentrated, and dazed energy of the song (combined with the violent and hopeless intensity of the actual music video) resonated with me. Surprising, especially since I don't even like this type of music and am only just beginning to appreciate K-Pop.

My chest felt like it was going to burst with so much pent-up emotion and energy so I screamed (on the inside). 

On the outside, I was still calmly sitting in the teachers' office, legs crossed, posture erect, fingers poised on the keyboards,  - completely sober, emotionally-speaking. But the scream inside was so physical, so visceral, and so drunk with the explosive and the indescribable that I had to literally take my ear phones off and check myself.

I didn't actually scream, right? Right. 

And the other teachers didn't hear a thing?  

Silence, except for the constant though irregular hum of keyboards. Okay. Outside everything was okay. 

Inside, I was a picture of G-Dragon walking, running, stumbling around the streets of London, wishing I could wreak havoc like he could, pick fights with strangers like he did, and growl at the world like he growled at the camera.

Unfortunately, while it may be somewhat permissible (some may argue even endearing) for G-Dragon to try and find some emotional comfort by peeing on walls and playing with his rocking horse all day (because he's G-Dragon and he can do whatever he wants), my process has to look a bit different from his since 1) I am not a K-Pop superstar 2) I don't own a rocking horse 3) I don't fancy peeing on walls standing up (or otherwise).

Oh, and I'm a Fulbright Scholar teaching high school English to over 300 young women in South Korea.

My process is different but, really, quite simple: to nap (aka to avoid feeling anything by knocking myself out through sheer mental and physical exhaustion), and to keep calm (and not miss a beat in being awesome).

I was doing phenomenally until I saw this video. And realized it had been exactly a month since the break up.

I have said this before and I will say it again: Someday, I will have a much more grand [love] story to tell - not just to other people, but to myself. I am in the process of completely re-writing the script and, honestly, it's not going so well with all the napping that I'm doing.

This is me processing now, and I appreciate you for bearing with me.

I am being transparent about this area in my, yes, personal life because, apparently "everyone" is under the impression that I look good on the outside (which is basically true but...), but this has been a tough year for me, regardless of what the year may look like on social media. I knew this going into my grant year. I just didn't know I would have to do the processing through lesson plans and K-Pop songs.

MY QUESTIONS FOR YOU
Did you watch the music video? What do you think of it?
How do you deal with your emotions? Does the way you deal differ depending on whether or not you're in a private or public sphere?

How would you complete this statement: "Keep calm and __________" that applies specifically to what you need to hear right now?